Rat House Whores - Pak Beng, Laos

A Conversation Recenly Overheard in the Most Disgusting Guesthouse I Have Ever Stayed At

G1 - Girl #1
G2 - Girl #2
G3 - Girl #3
LO - Laos Guesthouse Owner

G1 - What are we going to do? We can't stay here.
G2- It's pretty bad, but all the other rooms we looked at are the same. They're all equally disgusting.
G3 - Yeah, it's only one night. We get back on the boat tomorrow.
G1 - Oh my God! I just stepped in poo. Rat poo! It's everywhere all over the floor! Gross!
G2 - You're freaking out over nothing...
G1 - Oh my God! Look. It's a rat hole in the wall. That's where the rats live.
G2 - I'm sure there aren't any rats...
G1 - No look! Someone wrote above the hole. It says "RAT HOUSE WHORES". Why would they write that if there were no rats?
G2 - I'm sure that it's just a joke...
G3 - Actually, I think she's right. It does look like a rat hole and someone did write "RAT HOUSE WHORES" above it.
G1 - (yelling at Laos guesthouse owner) Come here! There are rats in this room. Look.
LO - What?
G1 - Rats. In hole. Look.
LO -What?
G1 - RATS. HOLE. LOOK.
LO - No understand.
G1 - Look at the hole! It says RAT HOUSE WHORES. It says that because that is where the rats live. RATS.
LO - Ohhhhh.....(imitating rat noises) eeeeee eeeee eeee eeeeeee
G2 - Yes. Rats! Bad. We want to move rooms.
LO - No worry. Rats no come at night.
G3 - So there are rats here?
LO - No worry. Rats nice.
G1 - Rats nice? I am worried. If there are rats here I am pretty sure that they will come at night and that they won't be nice. Can you at least fill the hole?
LO - What?
L3 - FILL HOLE. TRAP RATS IN HOLE. DEMOLISH RAT HOUSE.
LO - Ok. Fill hole.
G1 - Oh my God I hate this place.

Five minutes later...

(girly shrieking)
G2 - Calm down! It is just a gecko.

Overheard on the floor in my room when the power unexpectedly goes out in the entire guesthouse...
(scratching noise of claws clicking on the wood floor under my bed)