Bollywood Star

Ok, so maybe I am not a full-fledged star...yet, but I am due to make at least a brief appearance in the background of a Bollywood film.

So there I am in Jaislamer standing at the edge of a crowd of jostling Indian men. I want to see what they are looking at so I push through the crowd for a good view. That's when I see the film set - large white sreens, cameras on cranes, dancing women wearing colourful saris and heavy makeup and a director who is screaming at the top of his lungs.

After watching the spectacle of filming for a while, I feel someone tap me on the shoulder. It is a stout man with a round stomach that looks like someone has shoved a beachball under his shirt. He is wearing a white linen shirt, a red bandana tied around his neck, large stylish sunglasses, a black Indiana Jones-style hat, and he is carrying a walkie-talkie. He tells me that they need Westerners as extras and asks if I want to be in the movie. Of course I say yes!

Pulling me out of the crowd, he takes me up to a restaurant overlooking where the filming is taking place and introduces me to the director's wife and to the mother of the little boy staring in the movie. Eventually actors file in and they tell me that the film is called Nanhe Jaisalmer (translation: Little Jaisalmer). It is a story about a young camel boy who does not know how to read or write. With his sister's help the boy writes to Bobby Deol, a Bollywood actor (a famous actor here in India), who forms a relationship with the boy. They couldn't give away more of the story than that, but talking to everyone I learned that the director's (Samir Karnik) last movie starred Aishwarya Rai and Viveik Oberoi, two well-known Bollywood actors. So I hope that my film debut is at least a decent movie.

The filming involved me standing in the background talking to a group of Indian men while women and the young boy danced in the foreground. So obviously I play myself which, I am sure if you could hear me would involve me asking the Indian men where I can buy toilet paper and inquiring why toilet paper in this country only has 20 sheets, thereby forcing me to buy a new roll each day or resorting to bulk purchases. I am told that it is the key dance and song sequence of the movie. After 3 hours of filming in the oppressive desert heat, they hoped to have 1 minute of the main song's sequence for the movie. I'd like to say that it was interesting and glamourous, but really it was just hot and a little repetitive, especially the music, which played the same segment over and over again. I went to sleep singing that damn song.

I am told that the movie debuts in India in August of this year. So I will see you all on the red carpet.

Filmmakers looking to sign me to future projects should contact my agent directly.